(with apologies to Robert Browning)
“They’re eating our lunch!”
Jennifer Tooker, newly-elected First Selectwoman of Westport was the first to say it. In an exclusive Angry Taxpayer post-election interview, Tooker lamented, “I don’t know what they’re doing over there in Norwalk. They’re eating our lunch.” Tooker previously served on the Westport Board of Education and Westport Board of Finance, following a 22 year career at Gen Re, a multi-national reinsurance company with a global footprint. “We just can’t stay competitive with Norwalk on certain metrics. They’re eating our lunch,” Tooker repeated.
Tooker won narrowly against Jonathan Steinberg, who’s spent the past ten years getting nearly nothing done in Hartford, and who seemed primed to do the same at home in Westport. Like Rilling in Norwalk, Steinberg campaigned on making promises he couldn’t keep, like fixing roads and mitigating traffic congestion. In her faceoff against Steinberg, Tooker tried to align her message with the current zeitgeist in Norwalk, titling her campaign, “More More More” in tribute to the Andrea True disco theme from 1975.
Harry Rilling has been selling–successfully–the ballot box appeal of “More More More” for years. More development. More traffic. More taxes. More Free Lunch. And the jewel in the crown, a public school system that is second to none among the worst in the state.
“Harry Rilling was my white whale,” said Tooker. Asked how she accounted for her narrow win over Steinberg, Tooker said, “Jonathan supported dropping the Gifted program in our schools. Our residents love their “Hate Has No Home Here” and “Love is Love” signs, so we figured Jonathan was going to really eat our lunch on messaging there. Screw equity and inclusion! Turns out Westport voters really like great schools.”
Rilling, who prides himself on his townie street creds, is a specialist in high-stakes mediocrity–the kind of mediocrity that has helped put Norwalk on the map. From crumbling infrastructure to traffic gridlock to a business-crushing permitting process, Norwalk excels at being ‘meh.’ And Harry would like to keep it that way.
When things are going well for the Norwalk mayor–a lifelong Norwalk resident, former Chief of Police and proud father to three grown children, none of them currently in jail–Norwalk residents can sit home in their easy-chairs, pop open a few cold brewskies and watch the game, knowing Harry will continue his legacy of parking mismanagement, government overreach, fugly overdevelopment and favors for cronies.
But How Does He Do It?
Nobody ever said it was easy to take a beautiful town with an embarassment of physical riches and run it into the ground. But Harry Rilling takes this work seriously, rising bright and early every day at 10:00am to shake off the cobwebs from the previous night’s work holding up the bar at the Station House. First order of business: the mayor helps First Lady Lucia Rilling choose an outfit or four to meet the challenges of the day. From Ribbon cuttings to Ribbon cuttings, wife Lucia has a fully-accessorized outfit for every occasion. And if Harry knows what’s good for him, he picks out a tie to match.
After a quick TTFN, Harry heads off in NW1 (quick aside from the mayor–“You guys pay for this”) to the South Norwalk Boat Club for his first meeting of the day, a bipartsan panel discussion of last night’s Big Game, featuring a Who’s Who of Norwalk High Class of ’66. Then the mayor boards his boat, the S.S Runaground, standing proudly at the helm, where he surveys the city. On this lucky morning, I was invited to tag along for the ride. “I can see your house from here,” the mayor says as we begin our journey into Norwalk’s Heart of Darkness.
Norwalk is a City on the Move
“I coined the phrase City on the Move because, when I’m on by boat, I’m moving, but it looks like the City is moving.” He continues, “when I’m on my boat, I can see all the great things Norwalk has to offer. Norwalk is a City on the move. Take the flooding on Water Street. That water moves. And I did that. For a measly thousand bucks from Tom Rich to Friends of Rilling, F.D. Rich got to build six stories on the waterfront. He thought he was developing across the street from the water. But every time there’s a full moon, Harbourside SoNo is direct waterfront. That’s a fact.”
The Runaground motors along towards the upper harbor, passing the long-vacant Pad Site on our left. “Know what I wish? I wish I had a helicopter. Then I could avoid alot of the traffic driving from Scribner to the SNBC and just park my chopper right over there. Note to self–arrange a secret meeting with Tom Livingston and Mario, and find a way to get this on the Common Council Consent Calendar.”
We pass the new visitor docks at Vet’s Park on our right as we approach the bridge. “See those winos over there. I went to high school with a lot of those guys, and they still vote for me, sometimes three or four times in one day.”
Win, Lose or Draw
Heading towards the Stroffolino Bridge, the mayor gives a wave and a nod to the bridge operator, who lowers the gates and begins the exruciatingly slow process of raising the bridge to let the Runaground pass.
“I don’t need clearance to get under here. But it’s fun to watch the draw bridge go up and down, and isn’t this one of the perks of being mayor? Grinding traffic to a halt for no other reason than “I said so?”
Mayor Rilling continues, “that guy in the NPA van writing parking tickets over there on Liberty Street? That’s my guy. The Norwalk Parking Authority is “quasi-independent,” but trust me, I created all these government jobs in Norwalk that your tax dollars pay for. They say it costs $63.00 to collect on a $20.00 parking ticket from the NPA. That’s a 300% markup. I did that. So if you’re stopping by Ninety-nine Bottles to pick up a sixpack or a couple nips and you get a parking ticket, thank me. I made it all possible,” adding, “actually, you can thank Hartford for the tax on nips.”
Under me, the Norwalk Housing Authority left five families stranded neck deep in fecal matter at Washington Village a few years back. Did anyone care? Did concerned citizens form a Task Force and demand a new ordinance? No, most Norwalk people save their activist energy for turtles who eat plastic bags. If you want to keep greasing the wheels of the Hartford gravy train, you have to be willing to tell people, ‘if you don’t build this Vertical Lift Bridge, these meerkats will die.'”
There are a lot of moving parts in a Mediocrity. Clay needed guaranteed rental income at Ironworks from State DOT once the EZ tax abatements expired. Eversource wanted to bury their cables. And the old IMax was due for a face-lift. Plus the meerkats needed a new home. When you want to get something done around here, it pays to know people’s weaknesses. I learned that when I was Chief.”
Mayor By Devine Right
,Harry chuckles as the boat heads north of the Walk Bridge towards the land that dregding forgot, waving at Devine Brothers as we pass just one of the many historic businesses that helped put Norwalk on the map. “You want rock crushing? We’ve got rock crushing. I sat down with my Economic Development Chief, Jess, and we asked ourselves, how can Norwalk attract more millenials. And the answer was ROCK CRUSHING.”
“I f**king love those guys. You know they did me a real solid on this Walk Bridge boondoggle. As long as they refuse to move south of the Walk Bridge, the Walk Bridge has to go up and down to let them pass. I’ve got a few other buddies helping out too. They sail their boats past the bridge a few times a year so we can justify the billion dollar replacement cost. Most people have no idea how complicated my job is,” Harry continues. “The ink was dry on those government contracts the day the bridge got stuck in 2014. I was new on the job. The kids weren’t in any serious legal hot water yet. But I believe it’s smart to plan ahead and not be caught off guard when the sh*t hits the fan like it did in 2016 and 2017.
“Now which way is the Upper Harbor,” Harry asks, reaching into his pocket for a map. “I don’t use any of that fancy modern GPS stuff. I’ve been on boats my entire life. And when I want to know where I’m going, I reach for a map.”
Harry The Master Abater
They give me these maps over at the RDA for free, and they do come in handy. See all the highlighted areas? Looks kind of like a seahorse. All these areas are under some kind of tax abatement. My friend Mike built a big apartment complex up river. He got hosed on the reval, so we threw him a bone–expanded the EZ to cover the free parking lot I’m going to give him so he can move on to Phase II. I think my free parking lot count is up to three now. That’s the kind of progress you can look forward to in Norwalk under single party rule. Single party rule is okay as long as it’s us!”
CBD & Pain Management
Heading into the upper harbor, Harry waxes poetical–about the Great Flood of 1955, the old Woolworths, Kay-Bee Toys and My Three Sons, would-be home to Byron’s Bakery. “Norwalk was really something back then. I’d ride my Schwinn over to Wall Street, buy penny candy at Woolworth’s. My critics keep talking about the stalled POKO project. They just won’t let it go. But you don’t recover from a flood overnight. You need a Redevelopment Agency for that work, and it takes decades. Plus by the time one part of town is redeveloped according to exacting HUD standards for subpar crony development, the one you just paved over with fortress apartments is declared blighted and marked for infil redevelopment. Did you ever notice that the first three letters of “redevelopment” is “red”? That’s for redlining.
I have to admit I kind of miss the crazy mixups we’d get into back when the Redevelopment Agency shared our tax exempt office space at City Hall. Now they’re eating up potential tax revenue over on Belden Ave, even though no one shows up for work since COVID. They’ve got a dynamic young new staff. One guy works out of his mom’s basement in New Haven. He cranks these power points out when he’s not playing D&D.”
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aq6gTz4ntgjZJQh20YsGusqV4hVpPtZ4/view
Norwalk REDevelopment: Where Businesses go to Die
I’m Eating Their Lunch
Harry opens the RDA’s Five Year strategic plan and flips to the pictures. Harry loves pictures, especially when he’s in them. “I used to eat their lunch,” Harry says, pointing to the RDA plan featuring multiple pictures of Estia Restaurant, now permanently closed. “But they say I eat everyone’s lunch. That’s what I do. I eat other people’s lunches. Sometimes, if I’m still hungry, I head over to Duchess and I eat their lunch. Shhhh….don’t tell Lucia. She’s got me on a diet–again!”
Angry Taxpayer Norwalk 